We’ve all encountered someone who shorts were so tightly wound that they were just plain unpleasant to be around. They had a scowl on their face and you just didn’t want to say a thing to them for fear they would unleash their wound shorts all in your face.
I’ve learned that by understanding why people get this way you can actually disarm them and they will appreciate you pulling the ripcord on their shorts and relieving them of their pain.
People usually get this way because they believe something was done “to them” by someone else. Perhaps their boss yelled at them unjustly or their companion said or did something they felt was unjustified. What ever happen to them they’ve now created a belief of the situation and it is throwing off some major bad thoughts. It is these thoughts that are winding up their shorts.
I’ve come to realize that if I can just be calm and make a few compassionate inquires into their wellbeing that they will gladly disclose the belief they’ve created that is now filling their head with poor thought. I then use common sense to get them to talk a little more about the situation. I’ve learned that people love to talk about themselves.
Here is a major truth in untying wadded shorts;
The more a person talks the more their shorts loosen up.
It’s that simple. Your objective is not to agree or disagree with their belief. Most of the time I don’t agree at all. I realize it’s just bogus. But my objective is to disarm them so that I can move on with my agenda with them. Thus if I’m successful at disarming them our joint encounter will be pleasant and productive.
I believe it was Abe Lincoln who said, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” The best way to show someone you care is just to listen to them. It’s really that simple.
I used to fly to Chicago via America West Airlines. I always bought a coach fair and at the ticket counter asked for a 1st class seat upgrade without paying for it. I had observed many times that there were always empty 1st class seats and I began to ask just to see what would happen. Believe me when I tell you that at least 3 out of 4 request were granted and I was sitting in 1st class!
One time as I got to the ticket counter I witnessed the passenger before me in line slam all over the ticket counter agent. It was a heated exchange. When it was my turn the ticket agent had a look of their face like, “If you screw around with me I’m going to kick your butt and send you luggage to the wrong airport!”
I just said one simple thing, “Gads you handled that well! What was “her” problem?” To my surprise the woman had demanded a 1st class upgrade for free. Exactly what I was going to ask for. The agent then started to tell me other things about her day that had not gone so well. I just kept nodding my head and affirmed how she felt. Then I said, “I’ve flown this same flight to Chicago many times and when I ask for an upgrade because I’m so tall most agents are kind and accommodate me. But I better not ask you that now.” The agent said, “Mr. Lantz, I’ve already gave you an upgrade there and coming home because you’ve been the nicest person I’ve helped all day. Thank you for understanding my day.”
It really works just to understand people. Try it next time! You’ll enjoy 1st class seat as you give 1st class empathy!!!