Most people really don’t accept all of them self. Over 99% of the “How to…” books never help a person change because their problem is a lack of self love and acceptance. Improve self love and all aspects of your life will improve.
Please welcome a new category to my blog called;
Focus on Self Love
Why Self Love?
In my self development work I discovered the importance of self love and acceptance. The root of so much suffering in my life and the observations I’ve made in other’s suffering, pain and disappointment is the lack of self love. This reduction of our own self usually is developed through shame we received in our early childhood.
As I’ve begun the challenging and often times painful work of developing my own self love I’ve discovered that going through my own pain and darkness led me to the joyful light. I’m very grateful to the work of several authors whom I’ve learned to lean on during this important work in my life.
It was through her work I discovered in December of 2014 (watch her TED talk) that exposed me to the cause of much of my own insecurity and suffering in my life; shame. I was being driven by this unknown element in my life that caused me to be stuck, unfulfilled and a business not going where I wanted it.
She is a shame researcher at the University of Houston and author of many great books on the subject of self love.
This wonderful human being has extensively offered his knowledge and understanding he learned from overcoming his own addiction and lack of self love to become a noted author and speaker. His work has been a great source of my learning to love my self unconditionally.
What does the lack of self love cause?
When you do not unconditionally love yourself you can’t unconditionally love others, including your enemies. Because you place conditions on your own self and only accept certain parts, that you believe are appealing to others, you don’t accept all of you especially the parts you don’t like and hide. When you don’t accept all yourself how can you expect others to accept you? Yet you, and every person on this planet, seek connection to others as a way to feel loved and accepted.
A lack of self love has many symptoms and four I’ll mention here are;
- Tired from expending so much energy being who you think others want you to be so that you feel you’ll be accepted,
- You are a perfectionist, making sure that you’ll never be unacceptable to your peers,
- You become a performer with the feeling you have to be in front of others “acting” in ways that suck the life out of you because you’re having to pretend for everyone, and
- You are a people pleaser just so you feel accepted by everyone.
John Bradshaw on Self Love
Below is a great 43 min recorded workshop by John Bradshaw on beginning to understand the importance of self love and the work needed to learn to accept all of you.
The greatest work you’ll ever do is to learn to fully accept the only person that really counts in your life; yourself. Once you’ve begun the fully accept yourself and really unconditionally love all of you is when every aspect of your life will improve. Your physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual and relational aspects of your life is drastically improve.
I love you for taking the time to learn and be a part of my blog. It’s such an important aspect of life and in my opinion is the answer to most of the problems our society and world has today; living a life of shame and judgement.