I’ve been really seeing more and more of this today. I believe I was once an Internet addict too and as I recovered I began to be open to more truth. I see it all around me. I see friends all sitting together and all of them are locked in on their devices.
When I recovered from my several addictions in 2016 I learned one very valuable truth; our top two needs as humans are “love” and “connection.” Is there any wonder why companies are selling software to get a person more “likes” or “comments” on their Social Media sites like Twitter, Facebook or Instagram? Is there any wonder how FaceBook has numbed our brain to look at your “likes” as a way to affirm a person so
Have you ever felt stupid because you had to ask for help? Surprisingly, a lot of people feel this way and as a result, won’t ask for the things they want and even need. I felt this way for most of my life actually.
I’m not talking about asking for directions or how much the chicken sandwich combo costs. I’m talking about the big questions in life. Questions about how to improve your skills. Questions about how to make an impact on others. Or questions about how to overcome a major roadblock in your life.
Many married couples who struggle won’t even go to a counselor for help. They’ll try and solve it on their own and end up making the marriage worse.
I hope my offering of four solutions will help you overcome feeling like a chicken to ask and you’ll start to ask boldly for everything you need and want!
It seems to me that everyone has felt they weren’t good enough at one or more times in their life. I know I certainly have. At one time in my life, I felt this way all the time and it caused many undesirable behaviors and negative feelings. For me and others I’ve known and served, that belief was associated with not accepting all my imperfections. By not accepting all my imperfections, which most people have many, I began to hide and pretend. I hid due to the shame I carried and not wanting anyone to know for fear they would not accept me. That’s why I pretended to be someone other than my true self. Shame and self-love and acceptance can’t reside together. I can have guilt and self-love together. In fact, feeling guilty is a healthy form of self-love. Shame and guilt, though, are two very different emotions.
All humans crave connection with others. It’s our greatest need to be loved and accepted. Yet when I didn’t accept who I really was I pretended in the form of people pleasing, having to perform for others or aspired to be a perfectionist, in order to get people to accept me. I was always on the slippery ground and it was just a matter of time that my house came crashing down in the form of depression, closing myself off from people including my family, and passing over opportunities for growth, fun, and adventure. I ended up with the worse form of lack of self-acceptance, an addiction; the act of numbing a deep pain.
In my video, I describe one thing for you to do every day as a way to gain self-acceptance, even of your many imperfections. When you begin to accept all of yourself, you’ll free
Growing up I was a fan of Lucille Ball. I watched every episode of “I love Lucy.”
She was a standout. She was different. She didn’t try and be like all the other actresses. She was busy being herself.
She was fiery yet had confidence in her wit and humor and accepted her self unconditionally. Her delivery was in perfect timing because she knew exactly what her audience needed.
Many people have such an inward mindset and they process everything through their one set of eyes. Lucille focused her attention on what her audience needed. You can’t do that if you carry around insecurities. Thus without barriers, she could do crazy stuff and get away with it. Why? She connected authentically to her audience.
She is a classic for all ages.
She was simply being herself.
If you have the fear of rejection you are not alone. I’d say at least 90% of the people I’ve talked to about it have this fear. Why is that? Why is that true when we all have the need to feel love and a sense of belonging. You’d think with this need we would all just help each other out and be kind and accepting.
Unfortunately that’s not the case but it could be. I know for me I had an intense fear of rejection and loneliness. I had to discovery how I acquired this fear and then worked to remove it. What I share in the video is almost like my final exam in “Overcoming the Fear of Rejection.” I suppose my journey to overcome it is unique but if you too want to overcome it you have to begin a process of redemption. And there is no overcoming the final test; you’ll have to face your fear and do it.
For me a piece of information and understanding came through the book, Outward Mindset; Seeing Beyond Ourselves, The Arbinger Institute. They offered a perspective that I share in my video as I share my final test; talking to complete strangers at a mall.