A few years ago when my son was deployed to Aphganistan as a Black Hawk pilot in the US Army I had some anxious moments. War now became very real for me. To think that an enemy wanted to kill my son was very worrisome to me. I had never really suffered from anxiety before or great fear.
During this same year, my business went through some major changes and my income was reduced. That caused a great deal of anxiety too. I had to really resolve this issue. It’s not good to live in fear and anxiety. These emotions just don’t feel very good. It was starting to consume me and I know from prior experience, what I focus on, I find. I was giving life to my fears and anxiety and had to get back to peace and joy, the two emotions I do best with.
That’s when I developed a strategy to remove these emotions. With practice, I was able to remove these negative emotions just about as fast as I got them. Let me share my discovery with you.
Replace Anxiety & Fear with Peace & Joy
There are six distinct steps in the 30-second process. I’ve discovered that I can’t exempt any of the steps. Trust me, I’ve tried. In the beginning, using this method it would take
I’m not real big on resolutions. The vast majority of people that set them do not accomplish them.
Why Don’t You Accomplish Your Resolutions
Give yourself a pat on the back for wanting to change your life and setting resolutions. Perhaps you’ve set them in the past and actually accomplished them. If so, a big shout out to you!
The reason people fail to achieve their goal is simple. Let me use the following analogy.
If you wanted to store vinegar, you’d store it in a “vessel” made for it. It wouldn’t be fancy, after all, it’s storing vinegar and not wine. Everyone would know it was vinegar because of the shape of the vessel. Every time you opened the top and began to pour, vinegar would always come out. Wine would never pour out of a vinegar vessel.
The tug-o-war of priorities. Everyone is pulling for your time.
Have you ever said or thought, “When do I get time for myself?”
What’s the solution?
First of all give yourself a big pat on the back for being so good in all areas of your life that everyone wants more of you.
Moms especially deserve a big medal because without them the family would crumble, nothing of value would ever get done at work and relationships would suffer.
Let’s look at three truths and solutions.
There Are Only 24 Hours in a Day
Well duh! You already know that. What this helps you to understand is that there is only a finite amount of time to go around. But this is also a cause of the stress and anxiety you feel of being pulled in so many directions because you “think” that it all has to get done within “everyone else’s” time frame. Get rid of the watch (or at least the concept of time) because the truth is only one thing can get done at a time (although women are great multitaskers and dispel this belief on a daily basis). It’s about priorities. Read more below.
There is Only One of You
The great blessing in life is that there is only one of you! You are unique and there is no reason to think that you need to be someone other than yourself to get it all done. Every person is challenged with the tug-o-war. Those who solve it either figured out the truths on their own or they read this blog post!!!
First be authentic. According to Brene’ Brown, Phd’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection (I highly recommend you read this) to be authentic is, “To get rid of the person you think you should be and embrace who you really are.”
Create Priorities and Trust Them
This is the meat and potatoes of removing the tug-o-war. You have to understand the importance of priorities and schedule time in each area. Yes, I said the “S” word. You have to be proactive and SCHEDULE tasks and events in each area.
Below is a relationship pyramid. This is taken from the book titled, ACHIEVING THE BALANCE: YOUR IDEAL LIFE IS WAITING! by
Please focus on the word, “Relationship.” The categories in order of importance, just like a real pyramid, are from the bottom up. The significance of each area in relation to the others are illustrated by their size on the shape.
You have to build a “relationship” with each area. They are to be built from the bottom up.
When is the last time you really spent time on yourself? I’ll bet you always forsake yourself and take care of everyone else first. Build a better you by study and service. It’s focusing on your needs and doing something that really matters to you.
When I’ve quizzed people about the six categories there has never been one person that slotted in “health” to the mix. It’s actually more important than your family (spouse, children or parents/siblings) yet they seem to get more time than you going for a run or to the gym. If you lost your health, then nothing would get done. It is so important to take care of your health.
It’s unfortunate that many people in life do not have a relationship with their Creator. This is the spiritual connection that attaches all the dots together. From personal experience and working with thousands I’ve discovered that the greatest gains in happiness, joy, peace and productivity are when people begin to build a relationship with their Creator.
The cause of much of your stress and tug-o-war is that the order of the pyramid is all out of sorts. Many business owners turn the pyramid upside down and think their business is more important than the rest of the categories. Or moms leaving self and health completely off the grid. If you’re a mom have you ever thought, “When do I ever get time for myself?”
You thought I’d never ask!
What’s next is up to you. It will take some focused effort on removing yourself from the tug-o-war. Many people are simply addicted to it. When you remove yourself of the drama and other stress when others want your time, because you’ve SCHEDULED life on your terms, they will see the difference in you. You’ll begin to get everything done, on time and with outstanding results. You’ll actually get more done because you’ll replace meaningless tasks with high priority tasks.
You’ll condition others to your new way but you first have to condition yourself.
Go and do it. Climb the pyramid all the way to the top!!!!
How is it possible to work less and have your business earn the most in it’s history?
You can actually slow down and reduce your stress and make more money!
Learn about slowing your life down and doing better!!!
Since my bike crash and surgery I’ve worked less but had my two biggest months in my business history. The last two months I’ve been healing (since my crash on May 7th through today) that I was reminded of a valuable lesson I’ve practiced for many years, only now during the past two months, I’ve had to be slow on steroids.
It drove me crazy at first until I accepted my fait and was open to what I might learn during this healing phase.
I like the song Easy like a Sunday morning! We all need the down time from work to focus our minds on the things that help us rest and rejuvenate.
But why do we have to wait for the weekend to do that or in my case a serious injury?
Why can’t we rest and rejuvenate every day?
Before I started my quest to participate in the Ironman triathlon in 2006 I used to be one of those people who couldn’t wait for the weekend to come. My week was full. I had a high stress job as a partner of a large local CPA firm, was raising a family and didn’t take care of my health. I ate like crap; consuming many diet sodas and eating Panda Express. I never found the time to read, exercise or ponder life. I was always in a hurry.
Can you relate?
Then all that changed. I learned how to have what I call, “Slow Time” in a fast paced life. That slow time allowed me to actually get more done and improve my health and life by leaps and bounds!
During this past two months I’ve had to be even slower than before as I was only able to focus on the very most important business tasks while I spent my energy healing.
It’s been during this past two months that I’ve created the most income ever in my business! Imagine that. God crashed me so I would learn this valuable lesson.
What are some “Slow Time” attributes?
Slow time really means slow. It starts with an attitude of going easy. You can’t be in a hurry if you want to have slow time. If you’re addicted to urgency you can’t go slow. Going slower is an anecdote to being addicted to the urgent.
It means loving yourself and not judging the quality of your life on what others expect of you which is a major cause of feeling you have to always be going fast. Many believe that going fast is what others expect of you and thus you’ll be accepted in their eyes. It’s believing you are enough and not paying any attention to what others think about you. Some call it being “real” or “authentic.” I like Brene’ Brown’s definition of authentic as “The daily practice of letting go of who you think you should be and embracing who you really are.”
Slow doesn’t mean you can’t be productive. Slow doesn’t mean others won’t accept you. On the contrary. Slow means you focus on the absolute most important tasks at hand and do them with precision at a productive and efficient pace.
This attitude leads to many of these action attributes:
- Reading to help you learn more about yourself. Some call it personal development. It’s reading the Bible or other spiritual works. It’s reading and re-reading passages and content and to ponder their meaning and how it applies to yourself. It’s not plowing through a book just to finish it. It’s reading and writing in the margins. It’s highlighting important passages where the meaning is perfect for your situation.
- During my healing I’ve re-read many passages and really pondered their meaning which has made me a better person to be able to help my team member/partners overcome their challenges. As I’ve helped others, they in turn are more productive and together, we’ve produced more income. As my team member/partners earn more, so do I.
- Reading for pleasure is slow time. Reading a great novel and not having to put it down because you have to be somewhere. It’s pure magic where you almost feel like a character in the book, with the same feelings and visions of actually being there.
- Reading expands your mind. I’ve read a few great books during this time that taught me more about other people and in turn more about myself.
- Listening to great audio and/or movie content of speakers who are teaching personal development and motivation.
- I’ve re-listened to the one man, Eric Worre, who helped me the most in my quest to be a better network marketer. I gained a few nuggets that I missed the first 12 times I listened to his CD.
- Another great way to slow down is driving under the speed limit and coasting up to red lights while others speed around you only to have you coast up behind them, never having to apply your brakes. It’s being slow inside knowing you’ll get there almost at the same time as when you used to be in a hurry.
- This really helped me to accept myself because others would speed around me with disdain on their face; after all I was going “to damn slow.” I learned that my way was better and I strengthen my resolve to quit pleasing others. I got 13% better gas milage, saved my brakes from unneeded wear and tear and I’m convinced I get to my destination just as soon as when I was in a hurry.
- Going slower means to exercise at a lower intensity. It’s being able to talk as you exercise without having to catch your breath. It’s not comparing yourself at the gym with someone else and being content at your progress.
- During my healing time I read more and more about how to better prepare to race the Ironman World Championships. I learned what led to my knee injury and subsequent surgery. I learned to exercise at a slower pace which will lead me to gaining more health, less stress and that will equate to more injury free speed.
- It’s going outside to just sit in the sun for no other reason other than you want to. You allow the sun’s warmth and light to make you feel better and happy to be in the slow lane while everyone else is speedily going about their day.
- I actually learned that we all need a lot more vitamin D than what the FDA says is adequate. We actually need about 4,000 units a day. The best way to get those if from the sun. Since my crash, I go outside every day for about 30 minutes. Not only am I getting a nice tan, I’m gaining the additional vitamin D and that has lead to way better sleep. In fact, their is a correlation to how I sleep and the sun time.
- It’s being in the present moment; not allowing your past or future to dictate how you’re supposed to feel that very moment. It’s turning off your cell phone and participating fully in what presently is going on; perhaps talking with a friend, playing with your children or just enjoying a walk at the park.
- I learned that I have to go slow, in comparison to before when I felt I always needed to be doing something, to be in the present. My conversations and connections to people are deeper. What being in the present surprised me was the ability to turn my mind off at night from the thoughts of the future that I always used to have living in the future worrying about it. Now at night I stay in the present and go to sleep much faster.
- Going slower is removing distractions in your life. Distractions are all created equal. What that means is that as you need to focus on important areas of your life; business, family, relationships and health, in order to accomplish them and regardless of the size of the distraction, they all take your focus off your goals.
- During my down healing time I realized that I had to remove all my distractions so I could focus on healing, continue to prepare to race in the Ironman World Championship and still build and support others in our business.
- Turning off mindless TV is a slower way of being. Some may actually disagree with me and feel like watching TV is slowing down. Please understand I said “mindless” TV. That’s any content that is not enhancing your ability to expand your mind and make you think. Sports for me is not mindless because I’m engaged with the team’s strategies and I love to witness the emotion of the athlete.
- I’ve never really watched much TV but during this healing slower time I had to analyze if the TV was “mindless” and how could I actually watch the programing I desired without compromising healing and performing the most important business tasks. I utilized more DVR and also realized that some outcomes I could read a brief news clip afterward to bring me up to speed without having to actually watch the event on TV.
- This is a great slow time activity; having meaningful conversations with family and friends. If you’re addicted to the urgent, the only conversations you have with your family are when they are urgent or in a crisis mode.
- Two of my sons still live at home. They have been great to help me as I was incapacitated after my crash and surgery. It was during this time that I had to rely on them instead of me thinking they had to rely on me. We had better conversations and I connected better with them; gaining a better understanding of their challenges and way of thinking.
I hope that I’ve sparked something inside of you. I also hope you’re able to slow down and speed up your results!