Are you authentic? Why the word is overused.

Are You Authentic?

How would you really know? I don’t like labeling any person especially using the word “authentic.” While the word is adequate to describe their characteristics of being real, genuine or not a fake, it doesn’t help a person who lacks these desirable traits, to acquire them. A person who lacks traits of being real doesn’t even know they may not be real and that they are faking their own life. To them, faking is the only way they know how and they will have the deer in the headlights look when talking about this.

I’ve met several highly motivated people who claim they are authentic when it seems to me that they are faking it. Saying your are authentic and being authentic are two very different states.

I like using other traits to describe an authentic person. A real person has these desirable traits; self-love and personal unconditional acceptance of themselves and their imperfections. A person who lacks self-acceptance of their faults will understand the faults they have that they don’t accept and may be led to change. They may then be led to ask important questions such as, “I wonder how I begin to accept my own faults?” Or the best question they might ask, “How can I ever drop my guard and begin to share my faults with others without feeling ashamed of them?”

Self-love allows a person to exercise courage in being open and vulnerable. Lack of self-love, or another way to describe this state; conditional self-love, causes a person to believe they are not enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not worthy enough.

Shame is the underlying cause of not being authentic and acting in a way to please others. Shame is hidden in most people. Watch my next few videos, as I will teach you about shame and how to overcome it. I’ll teach you how it affects a child too. You’ll be a better self and much better parent.

 

Challenged with “I’m not good enough?” Do this one daily hack to kick butt

It seems to me that everyone has felt they weren’t good enough at one or more times in their life. I know I certainly have. At one time in my life, I felt this way all the time and it caused many undesirable behaviors and negative feelings. For me and others I’ve known and served, that belief was associated with not accepting all my imperfections. By not accepting all my imperfections, which most people have many, I began to hide and pretend. I hid due to the shame I carried and not wanting anyone to know for fear they would not accept me. That’s why I pretended to be someone other than my true self. Shame and self-love and acceptance can’t reside together. I can have guilt and self-love together. In fact, feeling guilty is a healthy form of self-love. Shame and guilt, though, are two very different emotions.

All humans crave connection with others. It’s our greatest need to be loved and accepted. Yet when I didn’t accept who I really was I pretended in the form of people pleasing, having to perform for others or aspired to be a perfectionist, in order to get people to accept me. I was always on the slippery ground and it was just a matter of time that my house came crashing down in the form of depression, closing myself off from people including my family, and passing over opportunities for growth, fun, and adventure. I ended up with the worse form of lack of self-acceptance, an addiction; the act of numbing a deep pain.

In my video, I describe one thing for you to do every day as a way to gain self-acceptance, even of your many imperfections. When you begin to accept all of yourself, you’ll free

Searching for people to join with you?

When I was a boy I used to see hitchhikers all over the place. When our family drove from Las Vegas to Clinton, Oklahoma to visit grandma and grandpa you’d see hitchhikers all the way there.

How did I know they were hitchhiking? Of course they had their thumb sticking out.

But I also knew where they were headed because they held up a cardboard sign.

If we were headed to Oklahoma it wouldn’t make sense to pick up one going to Montana. It would be bad for both of us.

hitchhiker-88746-530-644As Seth Godin taught me, “If you’ve got people on your bus who are headed somewhere you have no intention of going, today might be a good day for them to get off the bus.”

Ever felt ashamed of your health and the way you look?

There is a way of life in the East called Genshai. It means to never treat another person in a manner that would make them feel small…..including yourself.

Our health is under attack. There are really evil companies producing products that would compromise your health for the sake of their profit.

Major food companies remove nutritional quality to make the food taste good so you’ll buy and eat it. Then after you eat enough of it your health deteriorates. Then with poor health, the medical profession just shoves a pill in you allowing you to eat more bad food. What a racket! It’s no wonder to me why the nation’s health care costs have gone from 1/20th of the US economy (1964) to 1/6 (2016)?

Then all these ripped models showing off lean bodies as if to say, “If you’re not like me then you are not cool. Buy my fitness plan and be cool.”

All of this is really shame. You feel like you are convicted. That being unhealthy is somehow substandard and a crime? People have disdain for overweight people more overweight than them self (insecurity, judgement and criticism with shame). Then the food ads suggest, “Eat my food and be cool because your life sucks! [shame]” Or, “Look like me because you look horrible! [shame]”

Yet ask others this question. Who is without guilt, without ever being less than perfect, cast the first judgement?

Do you know what would happen?

They would all have to leave. You’d be standing by yourself. Everyone is imperfect.

It’s okay to not be healthy. Why? Because standing alone you know you’re worthy of health. You’re worthy to give yourself some love. To disperse any shame you may feel. Shame will do more damage to your health than bad food and lifestyle ever will.

Practice Genshai and as you treat others so they won’t feel small, you’ll begin to treat yourself that way too.

I think you’re perfect. You can be made healthy just because you want to. That is pure perfection!

Now, feel big! You are pure Genshai!

 

Is love ever extortion?

I have a man I admire who recently sent this email to me:

“If love is something that has to be earned or worked for in a relationship, then it’s not love. It’s extortion.” MS

Love that is “conditional” is not love. Only love that is “unconditional” is love. Conditional love is based on an insecurity. A codependency with others.

He told me of what he thought love was in his own family.

He attends church every Sunday with his wife and family. He doesn’t care for much of what goes on with the religion because as he put it, “I love Christ. Christ loves me. Religion seems to teach that Christ will only love me if I do or act a certain way. I know Christ. And the Christ I know loves me unconditionally.” But he attends because his wife is devout and wants to unconditionally support her and his son.

His son loves karate. He can’t stand karate. He goes to karate class with his son and wants him to be the best karate master ever. Or at least until  his son changes his mind.

He doesn’t care if his son wants to play video games all day. As he said, “I just want him to be the best video game player ever. I’m going to teach my son to love himself for who he is by unconditionally loving him for who he is.”

He believes God loves him regardless of how he acts. That God would never turn his back on him even if he did the worse things. He learned unconditional love from God and is applying that in his life with those he cares for.

I’ve felt a kinship to him the first day I met him. I could tell he accepted me unconditionally and he didn’t even know me. He was authentic and shared openly what he believed. He’s vulnerable and meek.

Then he said the most profound lesson he had learned in life.

You can’t unconditionally love others unless you unconditionally love yourself.