Are You Racing to the Bottom?

By Seth Godin (Go to his blog to read the post)

Shameless vs. shameful

There aren’t many fundamental human emotions, and shame is certainly one of them.

Shame is usually caused by a collision between our behavior and our culture. Society uses shame to enforce norms and set standards. When you’re alone in the forest, there’s not a lot of shame.

Too often, marketers, politicians and others with money and power use shame as a cudgel, as a harsh tool to gain control. And it’s usually directed at those least able to thrive in the face of this sort of onslaught.

I’m not sure we’d want to live in a culture where shameful behavior is completely accepted, where sociopaths and selfish short-term people abuse our trust.

At the same time, I think we need to be really clear about the difference between shameful behavior and shaming a person.

_shutterstock_648807352Shaming a person is a senseless shortcut. When we say to someone, “you’re never going to amount to anything,” when we act like we want to lock them up and throw away the key, when we conflate the behavior with the human–we’ve hurt everyone. We’ve killed dreams, eliminated possibility and broken any chance for a connection.

The alternative is to be really clear about which behavior crossed the line. To correct that behavior at the very same time we open the door for our fellow citizen to become the sort of person we’d like to engage with.

“How dare you,” is a fine way to establish that people like us don’t do things like that. It is a norm-setting device, a clear indication that certain behaviors aren’t welcome and demand an explanation.

shamingAs the media available to each of us turns just about every interaction into a worldwide,hyper-competitive conflict, there’s way too much shameless posturing and division. If you want to “win” in social media or politics, you’re no longer trying to be the class clown among twenty high school students, you’re racing to the bottom among a hundred million teenagers or candidates. Multiply that by every endeavor and you can see why there’s so much shameless posturing.

Racing to the top is far preferable. Because the problem with a race to the bottom is you might win. Or come in second, which is even worse.

This will leave you speechless; one of the most eye opening videos

 

I’ve been really seeing more and more of this today. I believe I was once an Internet addict too and as I recovered I began to be open to more truth. I see it all around me. I see friends all sitting together and all of them are locked in on their devices.

When I recovered from my several addictions in 2016 I learned one very valuable truth; our top two needs as humans are “love” and “connection.” Is there any wonder why companies are selling software to get a person more “likes” or “comments” on their Social Media sites like Twitter, Facebook or Instagram? Is there any wonder how FaceBook has numbed our brain to look at your “likes” as a way to affirm a person so

Get Over Feeling Stupid for Asking for What You Want

Have you ever felt stupid because you had to ask for help? Surprisingly, a lot of people feel this way and as a result, won’t ask for the things they want and even need. I felt this way for most of my life actually.

I’m not talking about asking for directions or how much the chicken sandwich combo costs. I’m talking about the big questions in life. Questions about how to improve your skills. Questions about how to make an impact on others. Or questions about how to overcome a major roadblock in your life.

Many married couples who struggle won’t even go to a counselor for help. They’ll try and solve it on their own and end up making the marriage worse.

I hope my offering of four solutions will help you overcome feeling like a chicken to ask and you’ll start to ask boldly for everything you need and want!

Are you authentic? Why the word is overused.

Are You Authentic?

How would you really know? I don’t like labeling any person especially using the word “authentic.” While the word is adequate to describe their characteristics of being real, genuine or not a fake, it doesn’t help a person who lacks these desirable traits, to acquire them. A person who lacks traits of being real doesn’t even know they may not be real and that they are faking their own life. To them, faking is the only way they know how and they will have the deer in the headlights look when talking about this.

I’ve met several highly motivated people who claim they are authentic when it seems to me that they are faking it. Saying your are authentic and being authentic are two very different states.

I like using other traits to describe an authentic person. A real person has these desirable traits; self-love and personal unconditional acceptance of themselves and their imperfections. A person who lacks self-acceptance of their faults will understand the faults they have that they don’t accept and may be led to change. They may then be led to ask important questions such as, “I wonder how I begin to accept my own faults?” Or the best question they might ask, “How can I ever drop my guard and begin to share my faults with others without feeling ashamed of them?”

Self-love allows a person to exercise courage in being open and vulnerable. Lack of self-love, or another way to describe this state; conditional self-love, causes a person to believe they are not enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not talented enough. I’m not worthy enough.

Shame is the underlying cause of not being authentic and acting in a way to please others. Shame is hidden in most people. Watch my next few videos, as I will teach you about shame and how to overcome it. I’ll teach you how it affects a child too. You’ll be a better self and much better parent.

 

Addicted to the Urgent?; How to Slow Down (from a recovered addict)

Can you relate to always doing things that seem urgent? Moms especially! It’s like the dam sprung a leak and you’re the only one with a finger to put in the hole. “Mom do this. Mom take me there right now.” It’s all you hear.

Perhaps at work, it’s much the same. Everybody wants it right now. You’re always in a hurry but don’t seem to be going anywhere. You had to get the project completed today even though you had two weeks to do it. You even said to yourself when it was assigned that you were going to work on it each day and avoid the stress of “last minute” pushes.